I recently began a Psycho-educational fitness group with some of the teens I work with. One of the teens, John, has Aspergers (the only boy with a spectrum disorder in the group). Today John asked one of the other members “Why are you so short?”. To John, it was a logical question based on an observation and a collection of facts (John had already asked the boy his grade and age). John calculated that this boy, indeed short for his age, was below the 50th percentile in height. The boy did not respond; a surprisingly mature move for an 11-year-old boy.

I, wanting to make peace and avoid early death of an enjoyable group, quickly intervened with a standard “That comment could be taken as hurtful…his face doesn’t look like he liked that”. John pressed on, incessantly trying to make right what he had unintentionally communicated,  “It could  be genetic…”. A peace offering of sorts. In John’s  mind, he was saying “theirs nothing wrong with you…it’s your genes”. Not surprisingly, he was again met with no response….

I asked John to “just drop it”, seeing that the boy was starting to really get annoyed. He couldn’t. “It could just be genetic…I just want to tell him that it could be genetic…hey (grabbing his shoulder) it could be genetic”. At this point, I should have taken the opportunity to ask Cole’s permission to provide some psycho-education around what Asperger’s is and how it can present itself in everyday experiences (stuckness). It would have been a perfect learning opportunity for the others, who probably think “John’s just weird”. John would have welcomed this, i’m sure, and also learned to advocate more openly for himself with others in the future (“I have Asperger’s…It’s a nuerological disorder…sometimes I get stuck and I can’t get unstuck until i’m able to finish my thought”).

Next time…