It is our belief as parents and practitioners, because we’ve all been taught this, to let the kids “make their own way…do it on their own…learn from their mistakes”. I agree with this principle in many contexts (like resolving conflict), but not when it is at the cost of a valuable social opportunity.
I mention this because lately I’ve been working with many young children who struggle with the initial interaction with peers (ex: playing with a new friend at the park). I’ve noticed that these children unanimously want to engage (on some level), but just don’t know how. Many can even tell me things like, “I don’t know what to say”. This very thing happened today when a child walked up to my client in the library play area, clearly wanting an invitation to join our play. My immediate therapist response is to teach skills, role play similar/potential interactions for the future, cartoon/storyboard where things went south, etc.
However, lately I’ve found myself instinctively being the bridge between my client and the approaching child. I’ve noticed myself scaffolding, much like a preschool teacher on the first day of class – Getting up close and center to new interactions, potential budding friendships or likely conflict. A social liaison of sorts.
In this process, I’ve seen that my immediate presence and just a minimal amount of mediating and reassuring words, can be the difference between a successful engagement and a social shut down (or worse). This has made me rethink the global application of the concept of “stepping back”. Especially in the case of children who struggle so deeply with social interaction and friendship building.
To be clear, I’m still a strong proponent of letting kids do as much as possible on their own (the basis of the scaffolding principle). However, I urge you not to shy away from being the initial BRIDGE for your child in social interactions. In fact, I ask you to step in more.