To encourage reflection (wider perspective), I like parents to make a visual (or use this one) where they record nice/thoughtful words and mean/ hurtful words used by their child. With nice/thoughtful words, use a color that your child likes. Emphasize how it makes the other person feel and why (praise like crazy). With mean/hurtful words, use a less attractive color. Explain to your child that she has the option to “Try Again” if she can think of a different, less hurtful way of communicating the same thing. this decision to modify the words can happen in the moment or much later…it doesn’t matter. Don’t get into a power struggle about making it happen “now”(reflection is the purpose of this intervention, not immediate remedy). Even if your child refuses (in the moment), it is a way of providing her with a visual cue to reflect upon and hopefully work to change in the future. If your child chooses not to “try again” after a day or two, you can modify the words by drawing a line between the hurtful words and your “better way of saying it” words.