Inflexibility in teens with autism is hard wired. You can read about it in every book, article, memoir, and blog out there. It’s not driven by the same kind of “choice” or intentionality we give to a typically developing teen. This seems obvious to most and yet we often forget to carry this knowledge with us into challenging situations. We demand, “he knew exactly what he was doing and did it anyway”. Well, hear me out and see if you buy what I’m selling.

Let’s use a very familiar example.
A typically developing teen is refusing to turn off the computer and start homework. With their refusal comes a quick weighing of options on their part:
‘How is my parent going to react if I don’t listen?’
‘What will the consequences of my actions be?’
‘How much do they really need me to listen and how much of this is over-parenting/posturing?’
‘How far can I push this before it’s really an issue?’
‘Am I really willing to fight for this? Is it worth it?’
‘I wonder if they’ll actually follow through?’

When a teen with autism is acting inflexibly (same scenario), this weighing of perspectives, possibilities, outcomes IS NOT HAPPENING. This means they are not asking the vital questions that make the teen in the first example reconsider or not (choice).
This is an important distinction because it changes the way we speak about “choice” and what influences choice. The teen with ASD is largely unable to reach these conclusions on their own. Unable to ask the questions and weigh the options before making an informed, intentional decision.
Instead, he or she is stuck in the NOW – responding to feelings that loudly tell them, “I’m not ready”, “I don’t want to stop”, “I’m not done yet”, “Must finish.finish. finish”. This “I” mindset means that I cannot consider “you” or the after. He is not hard wired to consider how his actions are effecting you.
As practitioners who work to aid this individual in their social and emotional development, we need to recognize this. Once we do, we will work much harder to make expectations crystal clear, always review daily schedules , and make +/- consequences to specific actions consistent.

I’m sure many reading this thought, ‘Anthony’s giving typically developing teens way too much credit’. You might be right:)